20 Jul 2017

Life with MIL … Get Otta Here!

July 20, 2017Inspiration, lisa davenport

 

It has been months since I’ve written a Life with MIL blog.  I thank everyone who has inquired about MIL to make sure she was doing ok; and I understand your concern, since there’s been radio silence on the blog about her.   The truth is we’ve entered a new chapter in the Life with MIL.   I’ve tried many times to share it with you, but repeatedly found it was just too difficult to write about. 

Tonight was an exceptionally difficult night and, as I left MIL, I knew it was time to return to the blog.  This new chapter isn’t pretty, it is full of less laughter and more heartaches.  Still, so many followers have expressed to me that the blog has given them validation that they aren’t alone in this journey.  Many find comfort, and even a few ideas, on how to navigate these uncharted waters.   Others just love the banter that I share with MIL. 

So, be patient with me as I learn how to share this new ‘season’, as I’ve come to call it. Thank you all for your support and, please share with others that may need to hear our story. 

The gravel crackles under my tires as I pull up the driveway.  Frank is in the garage tinkering.  I climb out of the driver’s seat calling to Frank.

ME: Heya Frank!

He looks up and nods as I approach the open door.

FRANK: Hey … She’s up there … (nodding towards the house)

I study his face.

ME:  How’s she doing Frank?

Frank shakes his head looking at his feet.  He chews a little harder on his toothpick and raises his eyes to me.

FRANK: Well, ya know …

ME: I know Frank, I heard the reunion picnic was tough.

I look up to the slider and see MIL sitting in her chair, leaning forward, elbows on her knees staring intently though the window.  I wave but she just continues to stare at me.

FRANK: She see us …

ME: Frank, is she getting belligerent? More outbursts?

FRANK: Ya know, it’s with her dad.  She yells that I’d better make sure I tell him….

The slider slams open.

MIL: (screaming) HEY!  WHATCHA DOIN’ THERE?!

ME: (waving and smiling) Hi Mom!

MIL: (with a scowl) I said … whatcha doin’!

ME: Just talking.  I’ll be right up …

Frank watches as MIL retreats through the slider and slams it hard.  I look at Frank and sigh.

FRANK: You better get up there.

ME: It’s not just her being confused about her dad, is it?

The door slams open again.

MIL: (voice escalating) Hey! I’m talkin’ to YOU!

ME: Me Mom? I’ll be right up …

MIL: DON’T YOU DAAAAARE COME UP HERE!

I think for a moment, maybe I won’t! Her eyes are wild, her nostrils are flared, and her lips are grimaced into a straight line.

FRANK: You better ….

The slider slams again, this time so hard it pops back open.

FRANK: (shaking his head)…. you better get up there.

ME: I’m going …

I open the door and gently close it behind me.  From the top of the stairs I hear MIL grumbling.

ME: Mom?

MIL: (Screaming) GET OUTTA HERE!

ME: Mom …. (climbing the stairs) Mom? It’s ….

MIL: (Screaming) GET OUTTA HERE!

I reach the top step and try to assess what I’m walking into.  MIL is standing by her chair, hands on her hips, and a face so angry … and I think maybe scared.

ME: Mom …. (starting to cross the floor slowly)

MIL: GGGGGGEEET OUT OF HERE!

ME: No Mom … (approaching her and reaching for her arm) No, I’m here because I miss you Mom.

MIL: (abruptly dropping into her chair) WHAT ARE YOU DOIN’?! … WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!

ME: (sitting on a stool directly in front of MIL) Mom? Do you know who I am?

MIL: (glaring directly at me)  I know EXACTLY who you are and EXACTLY what you are up to!

ME: (I suddenly realize what is going on.) Mom? Do you think I was down there flirting with Frank, trying to take him from you?

MIL: NO!

ME: Mom? I’m Lisa …. I’m your ..

MIL: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE …… I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE UP TO!

ME: Mom? I love you and I miss you … I’m here tonight to spend time with one of my favorite people in the entire world….

The dark, angry vail starts to lift and MIL’s face begins to soften.

ME: Mom? Can I hold your hand? (MIL slides her hand into mine) Mom? I’m Lisa, and I’ve missed you so much.  Can we spend some time together?

MIL: I ….I … don’t ummm, don’t know why I yelled.

ME: It’s ok Mom ….

MIL: Why? I … I’m (tapping her head) I’m not sure … (sigh) why I yelled.

ME: Mom … you’ve been sick for a while … (squeezing her hand and reaching for her leg and giving it a gentle squeeze) See Mom … you may not feel sick, all of this (pointing up and down her body) is going along working fine …. But this (I tenderly stroke the top of her head) up here…there is something very sick.  Your brain doesn’t work like it should any more, so you become confused and angry at times.

MIL: (starting to cry) … but I don’t (sniffle) mean to ….

ME: I know Mom, I know … (stroking her hand) It’s ok….

We sit for a few minutes in quiet, MIL wiping tears, me squeezing and caressing her hand.

MIL: I’m sorry I don’t know …

ME: (I raise my finger to her lips) Shhhh shhhh shhhh …. Let’s not think about that …. instead let’s talk about our evening together.  Guess what tonight is?

MIL: I don’t know …..

ME: (I smile and make my eyes dance) It’s bath night!

MIL: What? Bath night …. what?

ME: You know Mom … I scrub your back and such …

Frank climbs the stairs ….

MIL: Who’s coming up the stairs?

ME: Frank.

ME: Frank! How you doin?

FRANK: Question is how are you?

MIL: What? Why? …..

ME: We’re good Frank, thanks.

I lean in and kiss MIL’s forehead. I pause and look at her carefully.  The tender and kind woman I adore and love so deeply is back.

ME: Mom? I’m going to get us ready for your shower.

MIL: Oh, I’d like that …

ME: Yep! And a good back scrubbin’!

MIL smiles as I leave the room to prep her shower.  I stop in the hallway and peek around the corner to find her intently watching Frank and rocking ever so slightly in her chair.  These outbursts are becoming more and more frequent.  MIL is slipping away faster and faster, testing our limits.  It takes a lot of energy, self control, and strength to not lose our patience.

ME: Mom?! Ready?

MIL: Where we goin’?

ME: It’s bath time.

MIL: Oh I like that … yes, let’s go …

ME: That’s my girl ….

MIL: (she stops and smiles) You’re my favorite …. (tapping her head) favorite …. oh I don’t know (giggling) you are just my favorite.

I hug her and kiss her forehead …

 

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10 Comments

  • Joanne Jul 21, 2017

    This is so very beautiful with the emotion of love, sadness and persistence jumping off the page. I wish you and your family love and prayers.

    • Lisa Davenport Jul 21, 2017

      thank you Joanne …

  • Kim Jul 21, 2017

    Lisa
    You are so special ❤

    • Lisa Davenport Jul 21, 2017

      thank you Kim

  • Karin Jul 21, 2017

    Your MIL, Joe, and Frank are so lucky to have you in their lives.

    • Lisa Davenport Jul 21, 2017

      … Thank you Karin … actually I’m the lucky one. MIL gave me a beautiful gift 27 years ago, her baby son. This is the least I can do as a token of thanks … Frank is a blessing also, he’s been a wonderful companion for MIL … and then Joe, well he’s my Prince – if he needed me to walk across hot coals I would for him …
      There maybe difficult times, sad even scary moments … but the truth is, there is a reason God has given us this challenge, and some day we will understand why we have been dealt this hand. In the meantime I’ll try to find glimmers of joy in the horrible, devastating disease ….

  • Jeanne Jul 21, 2017

    Your are a beautiful person Lisa, inside and out! God is smiling brightly! Xo

    • Lisa Davenport Jul 22, 2017

      Thank you Jeanne …. I hope I do make Him happy …

  • Gaby S. Jul 31, 2017

    I am speechless… Having gone through the exact same years ago, it is hard not to let my eyes food in tears. I totally get it, I know what it takes, yet you have, on top of everything else that you have and you are, the unique ability and talent to share this with everyone in such a REAL way. Second by second, step by step, word by word and emotion by emotion, that is exactly how it feels, how it is experienced by families like yours and mine. Thank you for this gift, Lisa, thank you…!

    • Lisa Davenport Aug 03, 2017

      Gaby ~

      Thank you for your kind words…. as with all the comments … I am inspired to continue to share this new season with all of you. It is difficult as I cry through writing each post, but it is clear it needs to be shared <3

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